Apparently, California is in the midst of an epidemic. That’s right, The West Coast State is being mobbed by runaway shopping carts. Oh yes! These are not your garden-variety shopping carts, no sir! In fact, shopping carts out here are actually more intelligent than we currently understand.

They posses awesome physical capabilities that prevent them from being properly penned up. Like wild cattle, they roam about the parking lot of your local grocery store.

In fact, rustling up these carts are so difficult that people just can’t return them to their cart pens. Instead, these carts jump out of the way and fight you every step as you inch towards the corral. This act is so potentially life threatening that super markets and local retailers who utilize these mad-crazed beasts, actually tell you “Don’t return the carts to the corral when you’re done.”

Instead, they tell you, “leave them be, and let them roam. We have professional wranglers to catch them.”

These modern day cowboys sure have a tough job. Yup, returning shopping carts to their proper corral in the parking lot is becoming even harder.

For you see, these carts have now evolved. No longer are they just physically stronger than us in the parking lot…oh no! Once they hit the free roaming yellow and white painted prairies: the shopping carts have evolved to posses mind controlling psychic powers!

Even when you rustle up the strength the push the cart to its corral, the cart takes hold of your brain and makes you just leave it outside its pen.

So strong is this urge, that even if your car is right next to the shopping cart corral, upon your return, you’ll leave your cart outside of the pen.

Yes my friends, that’s how strong they have become.

There are the few brave of us who try to do our part, but it’s not as easy as it looks. The few brave souls who are daring enough to try to launch an offensive against this threat, only get halfway. These brave people, can only muster enough physical and mental strength to prop up the carts, front wheels up, on the curb-side. Perhaps as some sort of sick vengeance, these vigilantes are effectively, forever dooming the carts to languish in their own purgatory hell.

So, my friends, keep an eye out for these deadly, vicious, and intelligent shopping carts. The disease is spreading and the carts get smarter everyday! Fight the power! Fight the invasion!

And for goodness sakes, just return the freakin’ shopping cart to the freakin’ pen in the parking lot. It doesn’t take more than 2 minutes out of your day!

Besides, you’re not just doing a service to your fellow shopper, you’re fighting a war!

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